inside this room

Winner!

Sat, 01 Dec 2007 06:07:12 GMT

And all it took was two eye infections, writing 8,000 words in 5 hours on the last day and a very supportive boyfriend. I'm so glad to be done (although my story isn't finished). Congrats to all who participated this year! You did more in November than you would have had you not participated and for that you all deserve a toast, no matter your word counts.

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 05:42:27 GMT

Suffering

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 04:09:40 GMT

The lovely Zokotou Meter site seems to be overloaded!

I'm still working away. My computer seems to be holding up, but I'm not... well, not exactly. I had a theatre conference to attend this weekend. I'm really glad that I went - I heard lots of exciting and good information - but it really made me tired. Yesterday morning I awoke, put in my contacts, had breakfast and then felt like something was in my eye. I took out the contact, cleaned it repeatedly, but it still felt like something was in my eye. I had to get to the conference, so I left and all morning it was driving me crazy. I ended up leaving the conference and coming home to try to sort it out. As soon as I got home I ripped out my contacts and tried flushing the eye with saline. Wow, that stung!

Now, I've had conjunctivitis several times in my life, but I've never had these symptoms. It wasn't until around 5:00 when a bunch of green and yellow gunk started coming out of my eye did I realize that this might be pink eye. So I went to the doctor and sure enough, conjunctivitis. To make things worse I also have a fever blister/cold sore. It's not terribly painful, but really uncomfortable. My immune system is obviously screaming for help.

So, despite all of my trials and tribulations I am still writing. I'm not where I want to be, but still on track to be at 40,000 by tomorrow. That'd mean I only have to do 2,500 each day to finish, which sounds reasonable except that I'm working from 9am-11pm on Tuesday and pretty much until 11pm again on Thursday. Hopefully I'll be able to get this thing done. I've worked so hard at it!

A Fix!

Fri, 23 Nov 2007 06:57:35 GMT

30,821 / 50,000
(61.6%)

I've figured out a way around my computer problems - a tape recorder! I can't believe I haven't thought of doing this earlier. Apparently I can dictate my novel very quickly... 1,500 words in 15 or 20 minutes. There's the transposing after that, which takes a while, but it's not too bad - plus, it's just typing, not actually thinking.

My computer died for a couple of hours tonight and I was going to completely give up on NaNo and then I said something about being able to dictate it and Jeff said that he has a tape recorder that he uses for his monologues and such. Well, it's just the best thing ever. I think I'd prefer to write this way always - it's so much quicker and I get a better sense of what I'm trying to express when I can say it verbally. So, while I'm still very far behind in my word count, I'm making progress again. I've got a theatre conference this weekend, but hopefully I'll be able to get to 40K by the end of Monday.

Very frustrated

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 00:18:49 GMT

27,133 / 50,000
(54.3%)

This may be as far as I get this year. My computer, which has been having problems since July, is really pissing me off. There's a loose wire or something in the monitor and it keeps going white. I have to beat the crap out of it for it to work again. Sometimes this takes only a few seconds, lately it's been taking hours. This post, for example, has taken over an hour to compose. I'm so frustrated because I actually think I could finish it if it weren't for my computer. I have no means to pay to have it fixed; my brother can fix it, but we won't see him until Christmas. Grr.

Caught Up

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 07:03:07 GMT

21,680 / 50,000
(43.4%)

Caught up, and it feels so good. I've never been on track (or ahead) at this time during NaNo so I'm really excited.

Favourite sentence of the day:

"I'm not going to have to jerk off into a cup, am I?"

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 05:16:11 GMT

15,231 / 50,000
(30.5%)

I may do more tonight, but that's where I'm at right now. I feel better to be caught up a little. Now I'm only a day behind, although tomorrow that will turn into two days. I'm still aiming to be completely caught up by tomorrow night, which means writing about 5,000 words before midnight tomorrow. I don't have to work on Tuesday (a regular day off), so I've got Tuesday to catch up too, but I'd like to be on pace by then. We'll see. I'm still doing better than I've done before.

Fun!

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 06:54:57 GMT

12,011 / 50,000
(24.0%)

This is the first year of doing NaNo that I'm actually having fun. The first year was pretty stressful because I wasn't sure of myself, and the way I wrote it was really confusing. The second year was pretty much awful - always a struggle to keep up the word count and to write something that I had the slightest bit of pride in. But this year's been really good. I'm actually enjoying my story (and even some of the writing). I think it's a solid idea and while I don't really know what's going to happen, I'm confident in my characters.
I'm still behind with my word count, but I'm resolving to catch up by Monday night. At this point I'm two days behind, so if I double up tomorrow and Monday I should be okay. Even if I'm not, it's still not even the halfway mark. See? Nothing can stress me out! Anyway, here's a bit of what I wrote today. It's more solid than what I was writing before.

Alex calls me shortly after I get back from lunch. “Any news?” “No, nothing”, I respond. “Um, I’m pretty busy… just got back from lunch… should go,” I say quickly. “Yeah. Sure. I’ll see you at around…?” “Six, I think. Yeah, probably six.” I’m bad at this, keeping things from him. I’ve never been a good liar, and while I’m not directly lying to him through this conversation, I know I’m keeping things from him. “Okay,” he sounds so cheerful, racking me with more guilt, “Love you, see you tonight.” “Love you too”. I end the call by pressing the release button on the phone and hold the receiver in my hand while I stare blankly at my computer monitor, my eyes becoming hazy as they lose focus.
Everything seems so wrong now. I feel ill, like I might throw up, so I quickly make my way to the bathroom. I can’t believe that Alex called just then, just after I’d returned from my lunch date, or whatever you want to call it, with Eddie. I start sweating and begin dry heaving. This is unlike any panic attack I’ve ever had. There’s a lump in my throat and I’m terrified that whatever it is may make me stop breathing and I’ll choke to death on guilt or the part of my sandwich that I’m certain is stuck in my throat. The cold sweat covers my entire body, but I feel it especially on my arms and it makes me shiver. I heave again and this time something comes up. It’s been years since I’ve vomited and as the sting of acid burns my throat and the pool of tears comes to my eyes, I’m thankful I’ve not had the stomach flu since I was 17. I can’t handle puking. I’m crouched on the hard tile that lies in the bathroom of my workplace and I suddenly realize it’s not as clean as I thought it was. This makes me heave again, but I’m able to hold down whatever might be left of my lunch.

Alex doesn’t know. He can’t know. Besides, there’s nothing for him to know. Thoughts are racing in my head, and I can’t keep any idea at bay long enough to convince myself that I’m acting crazy. The lump in my throat is still there, so I force myself to swallow, gagging on the taste of vomit. My face feels hot and tight, and I’m almost certain that I’m living my last moments. Calm the fuck down, I tell myself, but it’s not working. Just calm down, have some water, don’t think about Alex, don’t think about Eddie. But I am thinking about Alex and I am thinking about Eddie and I am thinking about the fact that there is something lodged in my larynx and it will not come lose and soon I will start to get sleepy from the definite lack of oxygen I’m now experiencing from the piece of food or shame that is most definitely the cause of all of this.

I stumble to the sink and force some water into my mouth and down my throat. I’m shocked and comforted at the ease I have in swallowing, despite my brain telling me that I have something the size of a walnut stuck in my throat. I look in the mirror and my face looks bloated, my eyes bulging white and the blue of them highlighted by the redness of the skin around them. I exhale quickly and blow the air out for what seems like half a minute before sucking in another gulp of oxygen and holding it in my lungs before they force it out again. My hands feel tingly, a sign of impending loss of consciousness, I think. I also notice the room starting to sway, the ground coming up at me in waves. To die in a bathroom, I lament, is horribly embarrassing. This makes me think of all of the embarrassing and shameful things my friends, family and mostly Alex will discover once I’m dead and gone. For one, the laundry isn’t done and the bathroom’s a mess. Alex won’t clean it, because he won’t think of it, he never does. It will be my lasting legacy – dead in a bathroom at work with a filthy toilet left at home and a boyfriend who didn’t care enough to clean it. Then there’s my diary, the one I keep under lock and key and stuffed away in a suitcase so that no one will find it. They’ll pry the lock off, of course, and then Alex will read all of my entries about him and how stupidly smitten I was with him when we first met. He’ll see how I wrote down every detail of our first date and he’ll laugh at how simple I was, how childish the writing I’ve left the world is.

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 06:55:49 GMT

The lovely Zokutou Word Meter is back up, and I've just crossed a milestone. Happy girl.

10,057 / 50,000
(20.1%)

Intro complete

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 07:02:11 GMT

7752 / 50000 words. 16% done!

I really wish the other word counter would come back online. It's far superior to this one.

I think I've finally finished the introduction to my story. The main character isn't as complete as I'd like her to be, but she'll find her ground in the next little while since I'm aging her 20 years now that the intro's finished.

I'm glad that I haven't figured out a name for my novel yet. In previous years I always decided that the first day or so and then felt a bit trapped by the title. This year I hope to leave it untitled until I'm finished.

Anyway, I'm off to bed. I'll catch up on the 2,000+ words one of these days. I'm not too worried about it right now.

Day 5

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 18:24:21 GMT

5011 / 50000 words. 10% done!

Yesterday was a bit hectic, so I didn't get much done. Jeff (my boyfriend, for those not in the know) was very encouraging (as he always is) and made me do two 10-minute sprints, which boosted my word count by 1,000. That's always nice to see. Since I'm not planning on attending any of the Vancouver write-ins or meetings, I have to rely on him and my friends in LJ land to push me on. (Okay, I guess I do have some self encouragement too). Anyway, I wrote the following during one of the 10-minute sprints so it's not great, but I thought I should post some sort of excerpt...

Mom and dad tucked me into bed and watched over me for a while. The grandmother of the kid from Alberta was watching British comedies on television and kept asking my parents if it was disturbing me. It wasn’t. It was a welcome distraction. Ever since then I’ve felt much more peaceful trying to get to sleep if the TV is on. My dad rubbed my arm and my mom sat in the chair, holding on to my foot. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. I tried so hard to sleep so that my parents could go home. I knew they were waiting for me to doze off. When they thought I was out, they started talking about me, quietly. They both remarked at how the situation was mind-boggling, totally unbelievable. Their little Anna tucked into a room at Children’s Hospital for the night. None of it seemed right.
They left not long after their conversation. They both kissed my forehead and touched my shoulder. It felt scary, like I was lying on my deathbed. But still, I did not open my eyes. I needed them to be okay, to go home and sleep, to see my brother. Even though I was as scared as I was, I knew I would be better in the morning.
I opened my eyes a few seconds after they left and caught their shadows as they walked down the hall. I looked at the TV and recognized the actress with the puffy blue hair – it was one of the shows my grandma liked to watch. The one with all of the English people who work at a funny department store in London. I always liked watching that one. But I was scared, and the tears leapt into my throat and out of my eyes not long after I started to watch. I tried hard to stay quiet, to weep in silence, but the grandma sitting beside the bed next to mine heard me and asked if I was okay. “Yeah,” I said through my tears, “just scared”. It was the first honest answer I’d given all night. It was the first time that I’d truly let my guard down, and there I was doing it to a woman I didn’t know who obviously had problems of her own.

NaNoWriMo 2007

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 21:41:48 GMT

And so it begins again...

I've decided to do NaNoWriMo again this year after taking last year off. I was going back and forth about it until a few hours ago when the writing bug really hit me. So I sat down at my laptop and started punching keys and I've written more today than I have on any other day one in my NaNo history. I think I was really discouraged after my sophomore year, which is apparently the most difficult. I'm glad I'm back on the horse now. And I'm writing about something I actually care about.

I'm just using this word meter until the Zokutou one is up and running:

1761 / 50000 words. 4% done!

hello

Thu, 13 Oct 2005 04:45:20 GMT

i decided to create a journal just for my writing - especially for nanowrimo. this way i don't take up precious friend page space with my 'regular' journal and i don't feel guilty for posting large excerpts of my novel... or other assorted bullshit.

so, if you'd like to be added, just leave a comment.